


The Art Of Distraction

by bluemisfortune



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: M/M, Smoking, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-12
Updated: 2018-04-12
Packaged: 2019-04-21 20:44:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14293086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluemisfortune/pseuds/bluemisfortune
Summary: Gossip travels fast in the afterlife. Especially when Grell is involved. Luckily, Eric is a master of the art of distraction and poor Ronald has unwittingly volunteered to help.





	The Art Of Distraction

**Author's Note:**

> Aka it's been like 7 years since I wrote for this fandom but then I finally watched Book of the Circus and Atlantic and suddenly felt the need to write these losers again and then remembered that I, of course, always have to ship the rarest of ships. Also totally fudging the timeline but ignore that.

 Ronald is a mix of on duty and off when Eric comes into their break room. It’s quite a sight. Even for this place.

 He’s got a pen in his mouth as he laces up his shoes, his death list open and several forms on the coffee table. His blue shirt is undone, two ties are draped around his neck and two waistcoats are on the back of the couch with his work shirt. It takes a little observational skill to notice Ronald’s trousers are cut more flatteringly, and closely, than his work uniform. The kid’s started keeping spare clothes at work, huh? Not a bad idea, given their profession could get a little bloody, but that is a little more than a spare uniform.

 On the couch next to him is Alan, wearing Ronald’s hat and looking as amused as Eric feels. Although, Alan does look good in the hat, Eric notes.

 “Deserter is one S, right?” Ronald says, taking the pen from his mouth to scribble on the report. Alan nods, taking Ronald’s black tie and folding it inside his work jacket’s pocket. “And necessary? I can never remember… I don’t need to do this again over spelling mistakes.”

 “Coffee, two sugars,” Eric says.

 Ronald lifts his head. Alan is folding away Ronald’s clothes neatly. He does seem to have an uncanny knack for knowing exactly where Eric is at all times. It’s pretty much impossible for Eric to hide anything or anywhere. He half expects Alan to tell him he knows about the souls any day now, but if he thinks about that too long the stress will give him away for sure.

 “It’s how you remember,” he say. “Coffee, two sugars. One C, two Ss. And desserts like sweets has two Ss, it’s stressed backwards, deserts like leaves is only one.”

 “You’re so cool, Eric,” Ronald laughs. “I dunno what I’d do without you helping. You’ve got so many great tips.”

 “You can do your reports with Eric’s help then, can’t you, Ronald?” Alan says rolling his eyes.

 “Ah, sorry, sorry. You know I value your help too, Alan. Please, don’t leave me to this by myself.”

 

 “What _are_ you doing?” Eric says, slumping in a seat across the coffee table.

 “Ah, well,” Ronald says, putting down his pen to button up his shirt. “I’ve got a date with Miss Ruth from accounts.”

 “Ruthless Ruth? The one who’s been going out of her way to step on your toes in some very nasty heels?”

 “That’s her.” He sounds way too chipper about that. “Stunning, right?” Eric nods despite Alan glaring between them. “Anyway, she’s been stepping on my toes at every opportunity for the past two months because last time I got a date with her, I accidentally stood her up when a _certain unnamed senior_ got distracted and I had to do emergency overtime to cover the mess.”

 “Ahhh.” Eric nods and offers a smile in sympathy. Who hasn’t had a date ruined by Grell’s little mishaps? “And the rest of it?”

 “Ah, well, Miss Grell said I should just do my report during my break,” Ronald replies, picking up his pen again. “Only Mr Spears is a total slave driver and I’ve only just got off another round of overtime, which totally sucked, and I’ve got like an hour, and if I’m even a second late she’s never going to let me have a third chance, but I can’t not finish this report, it’s gotta be in tonight. So, I’m multitasking.”

 “The shit you do for a date, Ron,” he sighs.

 

 “Grell Sutcliff, what are you doing now?” They turn to the door at William’s voice down the hallway. Eric is pretty sure he doesn’t want to know what’s going on in the heavy pause before William sighs. “Why are you doing it though?” Another pause and it’s rather unusual to only be able to hear William’s side of the conversation. “I’m not saying it’s not impressive - in fact it is as impressive as it is pointless and immature - just that it’s a highly inappropriate use of office supplies and you should cease and desist immediately.”

 Finally Grell’s comeback is loud enough to be heard clearly. “My artistic talents are stifled here, Will!”

 “And I thank the heavens for that small mercy everyday.”

 “Rude!”

 “Eric,” Alan and Ronald hiss. Eric suddenly gets a sinking feeling when Ronald continues. “He can’t find me doing this now, and dressed like this.”

 “Distract him,” Alan says.

 “Me?” Eric snaps. “Why me?”

 “Because I asked you to, and I’m your best friend who’s very ill and you want to make happy.”

 “You’re so manipulative.”

 “And you love me for it.”

 Eric’s shoulders slump. “I do.”

 “Whipped,” Ronald mutters under his breath.

 “What was that, Knox?”

 “Nothing, nothing. Thank you, Eric. You’re such a good senior, helping out poor young, clueless junior like this. I’ll buy you a drink to make up for it sometime.”

 Eric glares and Ronald focuses on his report, looking the picture of innocence. Just as manipulative as Alan. Kids these days really are nasty.

 He turns to Alan, who’s watching with an almost unreadable look. One leg is crossed over the other, he’s slumped back, Ronald’s hat half shading his eyes and giving them a strangely threatening glow. He’s looking far too much like an evil - and ridiculously sexy - mastermind than he has any right to.

 “ _Eric._ ”

 A violent shiver bolts down his spine at Alan’s tone and Eric really has to get out of there anyway if he’s going to be using those kind of underhand, dirty tactics.

 “I’m going, I’m going,” Eric says, getting up. “But if I find out you two have been getting overly friendly without me here for the show, I’m gonna be mad.”

 Alan rolls his eyes hard and Ronald grins. “If we do, we’ll make sure to recreate the moment for later, Eric.”

 “Will you stop encouraging him, Ronald,” Alan hisses as Eric saunters out. “He’s bad enough without you helping him along.”

 

 Eric leaves the youngsters to it and wanders along the hall to find William in one office door, glaring at, what he can only assume is, Grell inside. He probably doesn’t want to know what they’re fighting over. And while he can probably rely on Grell to keep William distracted, Alan had asked him for a favour.

 “Will,” he calls.

 “What did you just-” Eric grabs William’s tie as he turns to tell him off for being so informal. He keeps walking, glancing into the office to see Grell unstapling some reports. “Eric Slingby, what on earth do you think you are doing? Unhand me at once.”

 “I’m distracting you,” Eric says, continuing at a leisurely pace with William in tow.

 “Why?”

 “Because Alan looked sexy and used _that tone_ and told me to.”

 “Your proclivities aside, what does that have to do with me? Why do I need distracting?”

 “Because Ron and Alan are getting hot and heavy in the break room.”

 There’s a flash of red and a squeal and Eric glances back to see Grell’s hair disappearing around the corner. William frowns and adjusts his glasses before yanking his tie from Eric’s hand and straightening himself out.

 “This is paperwork, not scandalous office affairs,” Grell yells and Eric gets behind William, pushing him on quickly. “This is blatant false advertising, Slingby!”

 William glances back. “Paperwork?”

 “Just let me distract you and it’ll be less painful for all of us,” Eric laughs, pushing him along.

 “Where are we going then?” William says, finally relenting and coming quietly. “And why are you really distracting me?”

 “Ron took paperwork advice from Grell, it’s putting his date in danger and Alan is enabling him.”

 “Should you be telling me this?”

 “They said distract you, they didn’t say anything about keeping secrets.”

 If Alan is going to fight dirty, why shouldn’t Eric too? Alan and Ronald can take the overtime tomorrow and Eric can get off scot free. It’s not like a bit of extra paperwork or a letter of apology for enabling bad behaviour in juniors will affect Alan’s health, so it’s fine really.

 “Figured I’d buy you coffee or something,” Eric says with a shrug. “Or something stronger, if you want.”

 “Are you asking me on a date?” William says, eyes narrowed.

 “That’s way too formal. I’d imagine to ask you on a date I’d have to fill out the appropriate forms in triplicate, have them approved by at least four different departments, submitted to a public forum for a vote, reapproved, lost for six months then handed to you by Personnel before I’d even be allowed to ask. Then, six months later, I’d probably get it back with all my spelling mistakes and incorrect responses pointed out.”

 “Your sarcasm would be on the list of reasons why I would reject you. Even if I could overlook that, and assuming I could read your writing, we’d then have to arrange schedules.”

 “That’s a hassle.”

 “Indeed.”

 “Plus, then we’d have to declare a relationship and get that approved.”

 “That would definitely require more paperwork and closer scrutiny of our actions for something that may well end in nothing. I don’t enjoy wasted effort.”

 Eric grinned, their fingers brushing lightly as they walk. “I’m glad we agree on that then.”

 

 William cast him a sidelong glare, adjusting his glasses once more. Eric just grinned back. Neither says a word as William picks up his coat and they head down the backstairs, out of sight of prying eyes and gossips. It’s not far to their usual spot, a quiet cafe and bar that was in the wrong area to be popular. Eric had dated - and he used the word loosely - one of the waitresses for a while.

 William has an espresso martini when they drink - because, of course, even his alcohol has to be caffeinated - and Eric has the best whiskey had can afford with a single cube of ice. He only drinks the best stuff when he’s here with William. He’s not made of money, after all.

 “So, what was Grell up to?” Eric says, resting his legs lightly against William’s.

 “Creating an entire line of couture hats out of long overdue reports, staples and paperclips,” William replies.

 “Well, the lady has good taste,” he laughs. William glares at him over the rim of his glass and Eric isn’t sure which part of that he’s dying to correct first. “It’s not like I can’t appreciate something tall, dark and delicious as well as Grell, right?”

 “Don’t push your luck,” William replies, nudging the toe of his shoe against Eric’s calf. “Being lumped in the same category as that demon - and all Grell’s other _loves_ \- leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.”

 “That’s more likely to be the coffee.”

 William cracks a small smile, quickly hidden by another adjustment of his glasses. “Honestly, you should consider you own looks more. It’s like you try to look delinquent.”

 “Perfection like this is natural, Will,” Eric replies only to receive a sharp jab of William’s heel in his shin. “Ow, alright, alright, William.”

 “Your hair is dyed, not natural,” he says. “I’m pretty sure you _do_ go out of your way to look as roguish as possible.”

 “And what’s wrong with that?” Honestly, William, of all people, complaining about his looks is something he could do without. “It’s my rugged, handsome charm that has everyone swooning. Everyone loves a bad boy. Even you.”

 “Is that so?”

 “So it is.” William pushes up his glasses and fixes him with a challenging glare, daring him to make his point. A dare Eric is more than happy to accept. “Let’s face it, I’m hardly your normal type, nor what anyone would imagine you’d go for.”

 “You make it sound like we’re dating,” William says. “I believe we’ve already had this discussion tonight.”

 “Tell me I’m not attractive.”

 William purses his lips.

 Eric waits.

 The silence hangs.

 Maybe thirty seconds pass.

 “I thought so.” Eric takes a sip and William continues to glare. “We might not be dating, but I’m still your dirty little secret, no? Like a noble screwing some poor village girl-”

 “Must you be so crass?”

 “The point is, you like that I’m wrong. You like that I’m rough and crass and everything you shouldn’t like. You like sneaking around with me and you like that despite being all this, I can still keep up with you in every way.”

 “I dislike you immensely right now,” William says. Well, he says that, but there’s a little more pressure against Eric’s leg under the table, and a steely intensity in his eyes that gets Eric hot under the collar. “And you? Sneaking about for drinks with me rather than on another of your group dates or out corrupting junior minds?”

 “Was that a dig about Ronald?”

 “Very much so. He was promising until you and Sutcliff got your hands on him.” Eric would be offended on his and Ronald’s behalf if he thought for a second William meant it. “And you haven’t answered me.”

 “What did I say? Who doesn’t love to drown themselves in a tall, dark, icy addiction?”

 “Are you talking about me? Or a pint of stout?”

 “To be honest, I’m a bit thirsty for both about now.”

 He leans across the small table but William presses his fingers to his lips, pushing up his glasses with his other hand. He lets out a heavy sigh and pushes Eric’s back, muttering about annoyances and a lack of privacy and gossip.

 

 “Unfortunately for you thirst,” William says before Eric has to ask what’s wrong, “our situation has been rather compromised.”

 He glances aside and Eric follows his gaze. Oh, for heaven’s sake!

 Ronald and Grell have their hands over each other’s mouths, staring from the corner of a nearby building as if they’re being discreet. Isn’t that kid supposed to be on a date that he absolutely mustn’t be late for? And where is Alan? Surely he could be stopping this disaster.

 “I suppose we should go and sort that out,” Eric says.

 William nods once and Eric knocks back the last of his whiskey - which is a damn shame, a drink that fine should be savoured in good company - and William finishes off the last mouthful of his martini before they both stand to deal with the gossip engine.

 Eric and William head down another side-street. Grell and Ronald are obviously spying - Eric is _so_ disappointed by the quality of Ronald’s spying, he’s sure he taught him better - and trying to keep each other quiet. Neither of them say a word about the wayward gossips following them, both know the street their heading down will allow them to come around behind them.

 “Where’d they go?” Grell hisses. “They can’t have just vanished, they’re both huge guys.”

 “Shh,” Ronald snaps back. “They’ve gotta be here somewhere, don’t give it away.”

 “Honestly,” William says and Eric leans against the wall behind them. Both spies go stiff. “Looking for someone, you two?”

 “I thought you had a date, Ronald?” Eric says. “Your poor shoes can’t take another mess up with Ruth, right?”

 “Yeah,” Ronald says with a sigh. “I can’t afford a new pair like these if she goes through the leather- Hey! Don’t change the subject!”

 “I agree,” William says. “So, the matter at hand; why do you two feel the need to spy on your co-workers?”

 “It was his idea!” Grell cries at the same time as Ronald declares, “it’s was her idea!” They glare at each other for a moment before realising they could get out of it by blaming the one who wasn’t there. You could see the cogs turning in their heads and the idea settling. “It was Alan!”

 “What are you two doing hanging out anyway?!” Grell demands.

 “We asked you to distract Mr Spears, not take him out for drinks,” Ronald snaps.

 “That’s rude, Eric.”

 “Yeah, you never take me out for drinks.”

 “ _That’s_ your problem with this?”

 “I assumed yours was that you weren’t invited.”

 “Correct, but don’t assume things, Ronald dear.”

 “Why not? I’m usually right. I’ve got good instincts, you know.”

 “Oh, I’ve heard, dear. You’re very intuitive.”

 

 Eric tunes out their bickering, it looks rather like William stopped listening a while ago, and the pair turn to leave. Only to find Ronald and Grell in front of them again.

 “Where do you two think you’re sneaking away to?” Grell demands. “There will be no fraternizing between coworkers without me present to make sure every juicy detail is fully documented ready to be distributed to the General Affairs and Secretarial departments.”

 “Alan told me to distract him,” Eric says with a shrug.

 “How much distraction have you had already to be at the point where you’re trying to kiss him?” Ronald snaps.

 “I’m not listenings to this,” William says and walks away.

 Eric rolls his eyes and follows only for Grell to catch the back of his jacket. “I don’t think he needs distracting anymore, Eric. I’ll take it from here.”

 “Your date, Ron,” Eric calls.

 “Ah, right, bye Grell, Eric, Mr Spears!”

 “Ronald!” Grell yells after him and Eric takes the opportunity to slip away after William. “Don’t you abandon me for some date with some floozy while we’re trying to figure out these two sneaking around behind our backs! Get back here you traitor!”

 “Sorry, Grell, Ruth’s not gonna wait.”

 “You- Eric, Will! Don’t sneak away while I’m talking to you! You call yourselves gentlemen!”

 

 William catches his wrist and pulls him around a corner, hiding just out of sight, in a slightly inset doorway in a sidestreet, as Grell stomps passed. There’s something almost amused in William’s eyes and Eric almost smiles back.

 “What are you smirking about?” William says softly.

 “Just thinking,” Eric replies. “It’s kinda like forbidden lovers, hiding from disapproving family. Don’t tell me you weren’t thinking it too.”

 “Perhaps.” Eric grins, leans in and rests his arm against the wall beside William’s head. “Although, I’d think lovers might be stretching it a bit.”

 “I said kinda like, not that we are.”

 “I suppose that’s acceptable then.”

 “The devil’s in the details, Will,” Eric murmurs, tilting his head a little.

 William’s gaze flickers ever so subtly to his lips and Eric smirks. “I don’t need a lecture on details from someone who misses them constantly.”

 “My place?” he says.

 “Yes,” William replies. “I think that would be best.”

 Eric nods and moves back, the pair turning to head back to their building, purposefully sticking the backstreets to make sure they weren’t spotted by any redheads still prowling.

 “You shouldn’t be mean about my hair, you know,” Eric mutters. William shoots him another sidelong glare. “The blond keeps Grell from getting too hot when I’m nasty. Imagine the things that might be suggested if I was as tall, dark and handsome as you and that demon.”

 William considers it a moment before nodding. “You’re right. The blond does seem to be a strong deterrent and I’d rather not have to field anymore questions about sexual indiscretions than I already do.”

 “I think that was your way of saying no to threesome.” William pushes up his glasses. “I’d totally have you both in bed.”

 “Somehow, you don’t surprise me.”

 

 Ronald is wearing black shoes with red trim the next morning. They match Grell’s and this is the first time he’s seen Ronald wearing them. He’s going to ask why, and how his date went, but he quickly figures both when Ruth from accounts storms passed, digging a heel very purposefully into Ronald’s toes as she goes. Ronald yelps and jerks himself up onto the reception desk, rubbing his foot with a glare over his shoulder. Ruthless Ruth is not happy, it seems. Eric also catches a flash of red beneath his waistcoat. The belt has to match the shoes, huh?

 “You’re date went well then?” Eric laughs.

 “Nah, it was fantastic,” Ronald replies waving his hands. “Miss Daisy and Miss Rebecca were wonderful.”

 “And Ruth?”

 “Beautiful but nasty.”

 “Come on, kid, let’s get some coffee and you can fill me in.”

 “You’ve got something to fill me in on too, I think?”

 Time for some diversion tactics. “Did you get your hat back from Alan?”

 “He’s taken a liking to it. It suits him.”

 “It does.”

 

 They head up to the break room together, Ronald rambling about his date, about how awful Ruth was, how lovely his two new dates were, he’d found a new bar or many other topics of only mild interest but it’s too early for proper conversation. In the break room closest to their offices, Alan and a brewing pot of fresh coffee were already waiting. Alan is still in Ronald’s hat.

 “You know it’s rude for men to wear hats indoors, Al,” Eric says.

 “I’m sure Mr Spears has you well educated on proper manners,” Ronald laughs.

 “What about Mr Spears?” Alan says.

 “Mr Eric seems to have confused distraction and seduction.” Eric glares over at him and Ronald hands him a cup of coffee as a peace offering. All business now, formalities for everyone. Didn’t seem to stop him gossiping though. “They were all over each other.”

 “Ok, firstly, no we weren’t,” he snaps. “And secondly, go work.”

 “We’ll talk about this later,” Ronald calls.

 “No, we won’t.”

 He picks his hat off of Alan’s head and waves it as he bounces out. He is way too chipper for this early in the morning. Although, Eric is sometimes of the opinion that Ronald is far too chipper for any time of day. Or at least any time of day that Eric is sober.

 “Ronald Knox,” William snaps from down the hall. “No hats indoors.”

 “Will!” Grell calls. “There you are! I got here early just so I can talk to you about last night!”

 “Oh joy.”

 “And he says I’m sarcastic,” Eric mutters. Alan smiles up at him and Eric leans down, kissing his cheek in passing. “You haven’t seen me, ok? Call in payment for distracting William.”

 “Sounds like you got payment for that from William himself,” Alan replies as Eric slips out.

 

 It’s tempting to yell back but that would mean letting Grell know he was in. Not that he doesn’t love Grell but he is not having a conversation about what’s going on between him and William, the dark marks on his neck or the fact that he seems to have lost his cigarette case and is pretty sure William pinched it this morning.

 When Alan had got sick, the smoke made him cough, which could quickly lead to something worse. Their group office spaces very quickly became nonsmoking areas and they all agreed if they had to smoke, they did it out the window. Of course, Alan and Grell disapproved anyway, so they said they should quit all together. Ronald found it easy most the time. He’d only taken up the habit socially while training anyway. William and Eric found it slightly harder. Slightly, of course, being a massive understatement. Eric has never bothered mentioning to Grell that’s the reason William is reasonably friendly with that German fella. He’s always decent enough to share, discreetly so the others didn’t nag, and without wanting something extortionate in return.

 “Alan, darling,” he hears Grell coo. “Tell me, where is your devilishly handsome shadow today?” Eric rolls his eyes as he opens his office door. “No, not Ronald! I thought you had better taste than that.”

 “Hey, I can hear you, Miss Grell,” Ronald calls back.

 “I love you, dear, but you’re an adorable brat not a devilishly handsome stallion.”

 “Can we _please_ not yell around the office halls?” William calls. “Especially that sort of nonsense.”

 “Wow, did you really just call Mr Eric-”

 Eric kicks his door shut and locks it until the chaos dies down. Or at least until he has to go to the main office for the shift briefing. The staff shortages allowed them to have the entire west wing - and the large single offices it contained - of this floor to themselves rather than being in the main Dispatch office. It was originally just supposed to be Grell with William’s office at the entrance to the wing to make sure no one went in or out without permission. Supposedly to stop her getting distracted. Soon after, Eric had been banished out here too. Alan followed along, because they went everywhere together, and Ronald decided it was boring without them. While it obviously irked William, he allowed it, begrudgingly admitting when the four of them were together and focused they were the best workers under his watch.

 Although, William’s decision to shove the four of them out here did have the unfortunate side effect of getting their area dubbed The Naughty Corner by the others. And it meant Eric had no escape from the office inquisition team of Grell and Ronald.

 

 Unfortunately, even by the time he gets back to the office after collections, on time mercifully, the gossip has not stopped. Ronald and Grell are in the break room when he comes passed.

 “Eric!”

 They grab him and pull him into the breakroom, sitting him on the couch between them. Eric sighs and relents, affecting the new cup of coffee and a pastry shoved into his hands. No doubt a bribe for his gossip. Grell grins up at him and Eric flashed a nervous smile back.

 “You’re going to tell me everything, right now, Eric love. I am your best friend after all.”

 “I thought that was me?” Ronald says, leaning back to glare at Grell behind Eric’s back. “You’re being really mean to me today, Miss Grell.”

 “Sorry, Ronnie. Your shoes are lovely, by the way. We match,” Grell coos.

 Their toes bump lightly together on the coffee table and Eric rolls his eyes. These two are so weird sometimes. Mildly cute, but weird.

 “You two done being shoe buddies?” They turn to him and Eric frowns, poking Ronald’s shoulder. “And what’s going on with you and Alan?”

 “Huh? Me- me and Mr Alan?” Ronald going as red as Grell’s hair is a dead give away exactly what’s going on. “Nothing’s going on. Why would something be going on?”

 “Ronald?!” Grell snaps, leaning forward and glaring. “Have you been have affairs and not filling me in?”

 “It’s not like that! We- we’re just hanging out, that’s all. It’s not like you’re hanging around with us recently, Mr Eric.”

 “So you thought you’d enjoy yourselves without me?”

 “I’m going to have to start chaperoning you, Ronnie,” Grell sighs.

 “Please, can we not have this conversation, we’re just hanging out when I’m not busy. You know not everything is scandalous?”

 “It had better not be,” Eric says. He gets up and heads out towards his office once, only to reconsider and heads towards William’s instead. “Good talk, Ron, we’ll pick this up again later. No more secret affairs and keep your hands off Alan. You’re supposed to be a gentleman. Got it?”

 “Yeah,” Grell agrees. “Eric’s supposed to be the loveable lech around here, not you. You’re too cute for that.”

 “Y-yeah but it’s not- Hey! We were supposed to be talking about Mr Eric and Mr Spears!”

 “That’s right! Eric, get back here!”

 

 Eric really is a master at distraction tactics. He’s already well out of reach and slipping into William’s office. William glances up as Eric slumps in the chair across the desk from him, then forward onto his arms against the desk.

 “Problem?” William says. “You know I’m not going to let you off your paperwork no matter what is or isn’t going on between us.”

 “Those two are relentless,” he groans, closing his eyes. He holds out his hand and opens one eye. “C’mon, Will, I need a smoke.”

 “No,” he says. “You’re quitting. You agreed. And don’t call me that.”

 “Come on, William.”

 “Get back to work and you can have them back when you bring me your reports.”

 “I hate you so much right now.”

 “I knew it!” Grell calls, bursting in. “I knew you two would be in here… not making out?” Eric glances back over his shoulder to find her frowning at them. “Wait, you’re not making out.”

“No, we’re not,” William replies. “Why would we be?”

 Grell glances between them, eyes slightly narrowed. There’s a tense moment before Eric gives up and stands, glaring down at William, who just adjusts his glasses and returns to his work.

 “Fine,” he growls, “but you’re giving them back after work.”

 “I told you, you can have them back when you bring me your reports,” William replies. “Now, please, get out. Both of you. You’re wasting my time and I really can’t stand a waste of time.”

 He glares at his work, making it perfectly obvious that he’s not going to tolerate their presence any longer. They sigh and step out, the door slamming behind them.

 “So, if you weren’t making out, what were you doing?” Grell says.

 “He’s holding personal property hostage,” Eric replies, “until I get my preports done.”

 Grell sighs. “I wish he’d take me hostage until I got my reports done.”

 “You’d never get them done.”

 “That’s the point, dear. Now, answers-”

 “No.”

 “Eric!”

 

 She follows on his heels to his office and Eric sighs, leaning back on his chair. Grell sits on his desk, pulls her hair over her shoulder and playing with the tips. There’s not gonna be any work done today until they’ve talked, are they?

 “Are you going to be a friend about this or a gossiping busybody?”

 “Rude,” Grell snaps. “Alright, fine. You’ve got five minutes of beloved best friend confidentiality. After that, anything said will get around General Affairs and Secretarial faster than Ronnie at the office Halloween party.”

 “Harsh.”

 “Do you reallly want to waste confidentiality time defending Ronald’s honour and chastity? Details, now.”

 Eric rolls his eyes. “It’s not romance and shit. We were just bitching about you one day and thought we might as well go get drinks while we were at it.”

 “Wait that’s it?” Grell snaps.

 “Yeah,” Eric laughs with a shrug. “Turned into a regular thing. You’re bringing people together, Grell.”

 “You tried to _kiss_ him.”

 “Didn’t you call me a lech earlier?” Eric says and Grell narrows her eyes further. “What? You’re going to deny that William’s ridiculously hot? Why would someone with such obviously low moral standards not try at least once?”

 Grell opens and closes her mouth a few times before she finally huffs and jumps off the desk, flouncing towards the door. “That is so boring. I should focus on Alan and Ronald instead.”

 “Good plan,” Eric says, leaning his chin on his palm. “That kid doesn’t go that red for no reason. _Something’s_ going on there.”

 Grell sighs. “That boy’s got a crush more obvious than his scythe.”

 “Yeah, so go pester him about it. You have my full permission and support. Go, interrogate and bully the child more. Leave me alone.”

 “You manage to plant one on Will and I want all the details immediately. Got it?”

 “Yeah, yeah. Go, so I can work and have a smoke.”

 “I thought you’d given up. You promised you’d quit.”

 “I promised I’d try. And I am trying. And you’re not helping. Go. Stop stressing me.”

 Grell sweeps out and Eric sighs. He can’t wait for the day to be over already so they can find something else to focus on. He needs to get on with these reports so he can smoke. From now on he’s keeping an eye on his cigarettes whenever William is at his.

 

 It’s late when Eric’s door opens again. He’s nearly done with his reports after being left in peace, but Ronald is suddenly slumped over his desk, head buried in his arms. Eric sighs and pats his head, feeling almost sorry for setting Grell on him. It’s his own fault for being suspicious around Alan though.

 “I need a smoke.”

 “Is that the only reason you’re here?” Eric says, returning to his work. “And what happened to quitting?”

 He knows that’s totally hypocritical of him. He doesn’t care.

 “You told Miss Grell I have a crush on Mr Alan,” Ronald whines. “That’s totally unfair. You owe me.”

 “ _Do_ you have a crush on Alan?”

 Eric is definitely probably mostly almost over Alan and their brief - by their immortal standards at least - experiment into extending their relationship beyond friendship. So, he really is probably pretty ok with Ronald having a crush on Alan as long as the kid is honest and gentlemanly about it.

 “No. No, I do not. Please, stop saying that. You’re just trying to distract from you scandals.” He holds out a hand and fixes him with a glare that might have been intimidating if Eric wasn’t Eric. “You owe me so cough up.”

 “Can’t,” he says with a shrug. “You gotta ask Will.”

 “Huh?”

 Ronald Knox, master of eloquence. No wonder women fall at his feet.

 

 Eric jerks a thumb over his shoulder at the window behind him where he knows full well you can see William having a smoke out the window and Eric is definitely not looking because he knows that’s what he wants. Grell’s right; their boss is a sadist. Ronald moves around the desk and leans down to glare out the window.

 “What’s Mr Spears ignoring his promise to quit got to do with you being a stingy asshole, Mr Eric?” Ronald mutters.

 “I’m not being stingy,” Eric growls back, “and watch your language, you brat. I’m still your senior, remember?”

 “Yeah, yeah,” he mutters, slumping on the desk again. “So help your poor junior out.”

 Eric rolls his eyes. “I told you, kid, I’m not being stingy, although with that attitude I might have been even if I did have anything you could bum off me. William’s got mine.”

 “Huh? Why’s Mr Spears half inching yours? He’s the one with the decent salary, and he’s the budget guy, can’t he afford his own?”

 “Probably because his fists are as tight as his ass,” Eric mutters.

 “You’d know,” Ronald laughs and Eric kicks him under the desk. “Ow!”

 “Get lost, Ron,” he says. “Go do your own work and if you’re lucky William’ll give you one when you hand in your reports.”

 “Right, right. See ya later.”

 He wanders off with a lazy salute and Eric sighs. Back to reports. He’s nearly done. If he can just focus and not get interrupted again for just a little longer. He almost expects the door to open again the second he thinks it but it doesn’t. He’s safe.

 

 Another hour and he’s finally done. Typical William, always gives him the hardest jobs that take forever filling out reports for. He knows it’s because William trusts him to do the hard jobs, he’s the most advanced, experienced and reliable worker he’s got. If Grell would actually focus Eric wouldn’t be the go to guy for all these messes.

 Eric picks up his reports and heads down to William’s office. He pauses along the way, leaning on the doorway to Alan’s office as he prepares to leave for the day.

 “Something I can do for you, Eric?” Alan says.

 “What’s going on with you and Ron?” Eric says.

 “Subtle as ever, I see,” he says, laughter leaking into his voice. “What’s going on with you and William first?”

 “We fuck around sometimes and he steals my smokes then blames him smoking on me. Which is kinda rude.”

 “Just a bit.” Alan smiles and pulls on his coat, walking along to hall beside him. “Ronald is adorable, don’t you think? He’s obvious and oblivious at once. Or perhaps that’s just wishful thinking.”

 “Ah,” Eric laughs. “You’re the one with the crush.”

 “If you want to be that childish, I suppose,” he replies. Eric glances down at him. “I’d rather consider it a healthy curiosity in a junior who needs to be taken under a dutiful senior’s wing and taught the ways of the world. Can’t have you and Grell having your way with him without someone to watch over him.”

 “You make it sound like we’re wicked villains.”

 “Aren’t you?”

 “You know the kid only goes for guys on really special occasions, right?”

 “Are you implying I’m not special?”

 

 “Alan,” Ronald calls as they pass the break room. Alan turns as Ronald grins up at them. “Hi, Eric. Going for your reward from Mr Spears?”

 “Did you manage to get yours?” Eric says.

 “What reward?” Alan says as Ronald pulls on his coat to join them. “What are you two up to now?”

 “Nothing you’d approve of,” Ronald replies. “I did convince him in the end, yes, although he assures me if I’m lying and you didn’t approve I will have so much overtime I won’t remember the last time I had a date.” He grins up at Eric. “Hey, me and Alan are going out tonight, want us to wait and you can come along too? We’re gonna have fun, just us guys, right?”

 “I think Eric’s busy tonight,” he says before Eric gets a chance. Not that he needed to. Eric wasn’t going to get in the way. “Weren’t you?”

 “Oh, yeah,” Eric laughs. “Avoiding Grell probably.” Alan elbows him and Ronald rolls his eyes. “Nah, I got invited out by a few of the secretaries. If I get away at a reasonable time and in one piece, I might see if I can find you guys. You have fun though.”

 “I’ll come with you boys,” Grell calls, grabbing Ronald’s arm from the otherside. “Let your big sis Grell chaperone these boys in love and guide you towards your heart’s desires.”

 “Guy time, Grell,” Ronald replies. “And there’s no heart’s desire. I’ve told you that enough times this afternoon already.”

 Eric grabs the back of Grell’s jacket and pulls her back, ignoring the glares and lowering his voice. “Don’t interrupt their date.”

 “Date?” Grell hisses back. “They’re actually-”

 “It won’t be if you’re there. Let them get together and you might actually have something to gossip about tomorrow.”

 “Oooooh. Gotcha.”

 Eric nods, hoping she does actually understand and isn’t going to interrupt them anyway. Ronald frowns back at them and Grell gives a dainty wiggle of her fingers in return. Not suspicious at all. Alan sighs and tugs on Ronald’s sleeve, getting his attention back.

 “Do you want to change first, Ronald? I promise I won’t step on your precious white shoes.”

 “I trust you, Alan,” he laughs.

 “Well, at least let me escort you down to your place, Ronnie,” Grell coos, grabbing his arm again. “I’ll make sure none of those girls pounce of you on the way down.”

 “Thanks. I think.”

 

 William is still hunched over his papers and just gestures to the stack with the others when Eric walks in. He puts them down and sits across the desk once more. Now, William glances up and Eric flashes a smile.

 “Anything I can do to help, boss?”

 “Promise your reports are in proper order,” William replies.

 “Looks like more hassle than usual,” Eric says, looking over the pile. “Something happen?”

 “An odd increase in murders,” he says. “Juniors who really shouldn’t be in the field on their own making mistakes but I can’t give them more supervision due to understaffing, sloppy seniors who I wouldn’t put in charge of a junior anyway, two demons stealing souls from right under our noses and, of course, Sutcliff. It’s days like this I am thankful you three chose to take an unusual amount of interest in Ronald Knox and he is now competent enough to work on his own without incident in most cases.”

 “That was nearly a compliment, William,” he laughs.

 “He’s worth a compliment every now and again. He’s a good employee, most of the time. He is capable and diligent, his constant complaining, reluctance to do overtime and dress code infringements notwithstanding. Most of his incidents are due to lack of experience or wayward seniors. The ability to handle things like that is, unfortunately, no something you can simply be taught and must be learnt through experience.”

 “Yeah yeah, golden boy has got a good future shaping up ahead of him.”

 “He certainly causes me the least amount of stress out of the juniors of comparable age and experience. He causes me less stress than those with a lot more age and experience too.”

 “I get the feels this is less complimenting them and more putting down me and Grell.”

 “Astute as ever.”

 “You’re pretty cranky for someone who’s stolen someone else’s cigarettes,” Eric says. “You’ve not asked me if Ron was lying yet.”

 “He’s not usually the type to lie,” William replies. “The fact that you bring it up only assures me further that he wasn’t.”

 “Glad you have faith in us,” he says with a small smile. “Here, gimme some of the lower level stuff, I’ll deal with it. It’ll ease the burden.”

 “It’s my job, not yours,” he says, shaking his head. “That’s why I’m paid more than you. Besides, it’s above your level.”

 “You know it’s not. I’m half trained for management.”

 

 William sighs and nods, pushing a stack of files towards him and hands over a pen. Half trained is understating it really. Eric is pretty much fully trained for management. Their previous Supervisor had been drafted into a position needing a calming, experienced presence to bring back up to standard and everyone knew Eric was supposed to be promoted up into his position.

 That it was William who was forced into the position of Supervisor didn’t please anyone except Grell.

 Grell said William pulls strings to be assigned to be with her. William denied it violently every time it was brought up. The more believed story was that despite what local management thought, those higher up the chain wanted William because he’d proven in the past he’s capable of handling Grell. Which was unfair. Eric never had a problem with Grell. In fact, Grell has never played serial killer before. Nor has Eric.

 If anyone’s failing to handle troublemakers, it’s William.

 Eventually, of course, it became apparent it was actually a problem with staffing numbers. They were dropping while the human population was growing. It was supposed to be temporary. Until staff numbers balanced out, they wanted Eric in a position where he could bring up juniors and stay on active field duty. That was a long time ago.

 “This is a mess,” Eric grumbles, resting his legs against William’s as they had the night before. Not like William is one for public affection, or that it’s that kind of relationship, but the casual contact is nice. “Why isn’t Grell in here redoing her work on overtime?”

 “You know the proper paperwork for a change of pronoun hasn’t been filled out,” William says.

 “It’s Grell. You’re never going to get that paperwork and I doubt Ron’s gonna fill it out for her.”

 “Him.”

 “It’s not even a syllable, why bother arguing.”

 “I can use it, if you’d rather. Slightly more accurate. I’m not sure you can say Grell Sutcliff was ever human, after all.”

 “I’m pretty sure even chainsaw wielding maniacs count as human.” William snorts. “Unlike you, who I’m pretty sure is bureaucracy personified.”

 “Flattery will get you nowhere with me, Slingby.”

 

 “Oh my god!” Grell yells, bursting in. They turn and Grell folds her arms, tapping her foot. “You guys are actually doing paperwork and bitching about me?”

 “That is what I told you we were doing,” Eric replies. “Didn’t you believe me?”

 “Is this more about your ridiculous insistence on romances?” William says.

 “How long have you been spying on us?”

 “Enough questions about me,” Grell snaps. “Why are you doing paperwork?!”

 “Because I am surrounded by idiots who can’t do their own work and constantly need their paperwork redoing,” William replies, adjusting his glasses. “Certain seniors who should be looking after their juniors and setting a better example have been ignoring said responsibility for other things. Instances like, let’s say, admiring abhorrent creatures who get in the way of our duty and injure said juniors they should be looking after. Not only did the junior get injured, the job not get completed on time and a very stressed Supervisor have to be called out to collect them, but the entire cause of situation wasn’t even apprehended.”

 “Sounds like you should fire that senior, Will,” she says without a hint of shame. Eric isn’t sure whether he should laugh or not but a quick boot to the shin quickly lets him know he’s smirking. “Whoever they are, they’re obviously not taking their job seriously and shouldn’t be given such responsibility. Imagine, that could have been our dear Ronnie stuck with such an irresponsible senior. I would never forgive anyone who let darling Ronald get hurt because they were too busy chasing after some hottie and I doubt the girls from General Affairs would either.”

 Honestly, there are times when Eric can’t tell if Grell is genuinely that oblivious or genuinely that shameless. From the look on William’s face, he’s not entirely sure either.

 There’s a long tense moment before William takes a slow breath, holds it then lets it go. He adjusts his glasses his face is stoic and cold once more. He gestures to the stack of paperwork, fixing Grell with a glare.

 “Feel free to join us if you intend to actually work,” he says. “I’m sure that if you actually did something rather than stand around and chat you wouldn’t be unwelcome.”

 Grell squints at them. “Paperwork?”

 “Yes, Grell,” Eric says. “Paperwork.”

 “Is this why you’re getting special treatment? Because you’re helping Will with paperwork?!”

 “I don’t give preferential treatment,” William replies. “Either sit and work or leave and stop being distracting.”

 

 Grell considers her options for a moment before taking the empty seat next to Eric and opening up one of the folders. She looks totally disgusted but is obviously determined to see if they’re actually doing paperwork or if they’re just trying to get rid of her.  

 “Where were we before we were interrupted?” Eric mutters.

 “Bureaucracy,” William replies. “Although I believe we covered that rather effectively last night.”

 Grell raises an eyebrow. “Hmm?”

 “Oh, just pointing out how much effort it would take to actually date William,” Eric says. Grell tilts her head. “Paperwork, you know?”

 “I love you, Will, but doing paperwork just to date you is not my style, but I’m sure that’s why you love me too.”

 “I do not, nor will I ever, love you,” William says, not looking up. “Although, quite honestly if you actually did you paperwork to a level where it didn’t need Slingby to rewrite half of it, I might reconsider.”

 “You’ve got some weird kinks, Will,” Eric laughs.

 “Don’t call me that,” he mutters, rather impressively ignoring Eric’s foot sliding up his leg. “And it’s not a kink, merely the fact that I would be more tolerant of Sutcliff in general if paperwork was done appropriately. I’m more tolerant of anyone who completes paperwork appropriately.”

 “Like golden boy.”

 

 “Have you finished Sutcliff’s reports?” Eric nods, patting a stack of files. “Grell Sutcliff, take your reports down to the main Dispatch office and photocopy them, order and staple them, then return them all to me.”

 “Why?” Grell huffs.

 “Because if you wish to remain in my office with us, you will do work as required,” William replies. “Go.”

 “Fine, fine, but no funny stuff while I’m gone.”

 “Wouldn’t dare,” Eric laughs, waving her off. The door closes and Eric glances up at William. “Why photocopying?”

 “It keeps Sutcliff out the way,” William replies. “And also, as you’re aware, regulations dictate that paperwork is to be filled out in black ink. Sutcliff insists on using red ink.”

 “When do we get typewriters? Or better yet, computers? We can bring in all this tech, but we still gotta write reports by hand? Look at all the tech Spectacles gets.”

 “You remember this is a punishment, don’t you?” Eric rolls his eyes. “As for your original question, the original copies are kept here in my office, management takes a photocopy.”

 “Isn’t that usually done by secretaries though?”

 “Yes, but due to the somewhat erratic schedule I keep the four of you on, I photocopy yours myself so as not to impose any further work on them.”

 “What’s that got to do with ink?”

 “You can’t tell the difference between red and black ink once it’s photocopied. Or would you like to rewrite all Sutcliff’s reports by hand in black ink when they get sent back?”

 “Huh… photocopies really are a blessing. Right up there with coffee machines.”

 “Don’t say that too loud or I’ll blame you when they’re taken away and you won’t see the light of day around your paperwork ever again.”

 “Right, right,” Eric laughs. “So…” He reaches over, fingers brushing William’s lightly. William’s head jerks up. “Before Grell comes back, which of my addictions would you like to indulge?”

 

 William adjusts his glasses before taking a silver case from his desk draw. That Eric bothers with a cigarette case is a constant source of teasing from Ronald, but he’s not listening to a kid who wears bright white shoes and thinks it’s cool. He gets up and heads to the window, opening it up and shifting the ashtray as he sits on the windowsill. William joins him.

 “Today has been so weird,” Eric sighs. He blows out smoke as William takes the cigarette from him, fingers brushing lightly as he does, and brings it to his lips. “Would it really be that bad to just tell them?”

 “I assume you’ve already told Humphries,” William says. Eric smirks and William sits down on the windowsill beside him. “Of course. Do you have his permission to be involved with me?”

 Eric takes the cigarette back. “He’s fine with it. You know what he’s like. As long as we’re all happy he’s happy.”

 “Perhaps, if you’re going to keep helping me with paperwork like this, I should create an Assistant Supervisor position for you.”

 “Oh? Careful, I might get a reputation for sleeping with my boss for a promotion,” he laughs.

 “It would involve more hours, responsibility and paperwork.”

 “And a payrise?”

 “We don’t have the budget for that.”

 “Of course we don’t,” Eric says, shaking his head. “So, what perks does this promotion I slept with the boss for actually get me?”

 “More time alone with a boss you’re sleeping with,” William says as if they’re discussing the weather. “And, at a push, I could stretch your expense allowance.”

 “You really are a charmer, huh?” he laughs.

 “I am as charming as the situation requires. That is efficiency.”

 “I was seduced with efficiently?”

 “The input to output ratio is far more favourable with you than with Sutcliff. Far less work required after the initial seduction. Far fewer sexual harassment forms too.”

 Eric smirks and tilts his head, gazing out the window as he hands over the cigarette again. It’s peaceful for a moment. The two of them watch the world go by, legs resting lightly together, listening for the inevitable racket of Grell coming down the hall to warn them when to get out the mints and air freshener so as not to get a lecture on quitting.

 “Hopefully, Alan and Ron will be the centre of the gossiping tomorrow.”


End file.
